Ghosts of Christmas Past

Merry Christmas Everyone.  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that you got to spend time with your family and friends.

I had a rough Christmas this year.  Austins takes less and less pleasure in spending time with the whole family.  As I have mentioned in the past Austin can not handle the noise and chaos the season brings.  It really hit home for me this year.  The enjoyment of watching the family open their gifts we had picked out for them was lacking because I could only think of how Austin was missing out on the laughter and smiles while they opened them.  Don't get me wrong I realize he doesn't miss it and that he wasn't affected by that, but that is exactly what hit me.  He ate his Christmas meal alone in the spare room and spent his time in the Motor Home that my parents had heated up for him for a quiet area.  God bless them for that, but I missed him.  It was one of the times that I mourn the loss of the dreams I had for him when he was born.  Most of the time I am able to accept that and be thankful it isn't worse, but as a Mom I want my son to be truly happy.  I get a glimmer of that happiness from him once in awhile but is not the same as seeing my daughter's look of joy so frequently.

Part of me is already prepping myself for next year figuring out what I can do differently, do we need to skip the family gathering?  I think that once our service dog gets here it will make a huge difference in these situations but until then it's easier just to skip it.  We already changed our New Year's tradition of gathering with everyone to just us at home with just Austin's godparents and daughter.  Again it's easier then the stress of what would happen otherwise, I just can't seem to relax in these situations.  And he is miserable and that is not fair to either of us. 

I share this with not to just complain or have you feel sorry for us, but to explain why it is so important for us that Austin receive his miracle and get an Autism Service Dog.  We are at about $3800 raised so far but we have a ways to go.  Please share this blog with others and keep praying for us.  We are planning a Raffle and will keep you posted.  Thanks Again.

Holly